The Age of Ortocence
Damn me for a black hearted scoundrel! So busy have I been fighting space- borne hordes of Ultra- Gorgonites in our Solar System's outermost gravity shell, I nearly forgot that today is the Emperor Mike Norton's birthday!
These hideous hideous Gorgonites just won't let me get away right now, but I'm sending telepathic birthday greetings back Earthside by transolar theta-ray mail. The transmissions can manifest in various strange ways, so if you think you're actually reading this on your computer screen, that's just the most familiar context the wave-pattern receptors in your hypothalamus picked to present the data to you in, and it probably means you're spending WAY too much time on the Internet lately. Log off and go outside for a while -- but first, send Mike Norton a Happy Birthday email.
Or, you know, initiate your own theta-ray burst, if you've got a few billion tachyons to spare and a negatized magnobeam projector to spin them up to translight velocity with.
Happy Birthday, Orto!!!!