Lies, Damned Lies, and... you know...

So we just had a team meeting and the two team leads were pretty smug. Only two of our team members are hitting their repeat stats, and both of them are also hitting on their mandatory tool usage stat. "See?" they said, smirking like ocelots. "If you just do what you're supposed to do, it works."

So I pulled up the team's numbers and checked. Only one other person on the team is hitting on the mandatory tool usage stat, but her repeat numbers are horrible... second worst on the team. I pointed this out. And our supervisor -- the ...big boss, over the team leads -- told me earnestly that there are lots of ways to manipulate the numbers and get a false reading.

Got that? Any numbers that support the official policy are honest numbers. Any numbers that do not are by definition dishonest.

It's not that I've ever had any real respect for management at nearly any of the 100+ jobs I've had since the mid 80s (I put bread on my table using my typing skills in clerical temp jobs for most of the 80s and all the 90s), but, well, stuff like this tells me how right I am to regard nearly everything management tells me with utter and complete contempt.

Previously published on Facebook. The venue has been changed to protect the innocent.

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