I was SURE I knew who this asshole was. SURE of it.
Then I looked at the 'keyword search' feature on my statcounter.
Wow. I hadn't thought about THAT particular guy in years, but... um... yeah...
Okay. I guess it's him, instead.
According to my statcounter, only 'mr/ms x', me, and my wife have read that previous post, which is good, because if the guy I erroneously thought was 'mr/ms x' had read it, it would have hurt his feelings badly, without reason or justice, as it now seems I was wrong, and he's not 'mr/ms x'.
But I do now know who 'mr/ms x' is.
Or, at least, I can't think of anyone else who would be doing keyword searches for 'j--- c---' that would lead to my blog (although, honestly, I don't think I've ever mentioned this particular guy by name, here, because, as I say, I'd long ago forgotten he even existed).
Anyway. Here's an excerpt from my statcounter page:
miserableannalsoftheearth.blogspot.com/2007_05_01_archive.html
27th October 2008 11:17:43 PM miserableannalsoftheearth.blogspot.com/2007_05_01_archive.html
miserableannalsoftheearth.blogspot.com/2007/05/hate-player-not-game.html
27th October 2008 11:25:07 PM miserableannalsoftheearth.blogspot.com/2007/06/blast-them-ray-blast-them-with-power.html
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27th October 2008 11:25:12 PM miserableannalsoftheearth.blogspot.com/2007_05_01_archive.html
miserableannalsoftheearth.blogspot.com/2007/05/hero-ic-ending.html
27th October 2008 11:30:52 PM miserableannalsoftheearth.blogspot.com/2007/06/blast-them-ray-blast-them-with-power.html
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27th October 2008 11:49:30 PM miserableannalsoftheearth.blogspot.com/2007/06/blast-them-ray-blast-them-with-power.html
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27th October 2008 11:49:52 PM No referring link
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28th October 2008 01:20:49 PM www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID=18829500&blogName=The Miserable Annals of the Earth&publishMode=PUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT&navbarType=SILVER&layoutType=CLASSIC&homepageUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fmiserableannalsoftheearth.blogspot.com%2F&searchRoot=http%3A%2
miserableannalsoftheearth.blogspot.com/search?q=Mike Sawin
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28th October 2008 08:56:35 PM miserableannalsoftheearth.blogspot.com/2007_08_01_archive.html
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28th October 2008 09:39:54 PM miserableannalsoftheearth.blogspot.com/2007_08_01_archive.html
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28th October 2008 09:40:04 PM miserableannalsoftheearth.blogspot.com/2007_09_01_archive.html
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28th October 2008 09:43:49 PM miserableannalsoftheearth.blogspot.com/2007_08_01_archive.html
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28th October 2008 09:48:11 PM miserableannalsoftheearth.blogspot.com/2007_09_01_archive.html
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28th October 2008 09:51:14 PM miserableannalsoftheearth.blogspot.com/2007_08_01_archive.html
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28th October 2008 09:51:22 PM No referring link
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29th October 2008 10:54:25 AM No referring link
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nc-69-34-41-98.dyn.embarqhsd.net (Embarq Corporation) [Label IP Address]
Florida, Winter Park, United States, 255 returning visits
TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY FIVE RETURNING VISITS.
From October 27 through October 29.
It would be more, but that particular page feature doesn't go back more than three days.
Look, J.C... all you had to do was say, "Hey, it's me; I know I was a tool five years ago but I found your blog and I really like it and I've read all your novels and I really like them, and I'm hoping we can just move on, okay?"
I probably would have replied with something vaguely assholish like "Whoa, J.C.; hadn't thought about you in years, but, yeah, whatever, dude. Welcome to the blog. Have you really read all my novels? That's seriously masochistic. But thanks."
Now, though, I'm just baffled as to how to proceed. And chagrined. But one thing I've never done is claim to be perfect.
I'm glad you liked FEAR MASTERS, for whatever that's worth.
Okay, just wanted to add that I hadn't read the second revision of the post when I sent you my last. Each revision has been an improvement on the previous post, with this latest serving your persuasive purpose best, I think.
ReplyDeleteBut I don't know who J.C. is, doubt you ever had a falling out with Jesus or John Constantine, and unlike yesterday don't have enough to google and figure out what the deal is. I repeat: Who?
For what it's worth, I'm feeling embarrased now to have been sick and bored for something to read over the last week, (embarrasment I'd have spared myself if I hadn't confessed to being your super-lurker) but still, perhaps some karmic tit-for-tat for worrying you.
(SUPERLURKER! -BahbahBAH!-Strange visitor from another ISP- With nothing to add! "Read, read, and AWAY!")
(The cough medicine's gettin' to me.)
I'm glad I've enjoyed FEAR MATERS so far, too. I wonder if it couldn't benefit from a 'reader's digest' pass; it scans well enough, but could perhaps scan even better with tightening. If you despair of ever selling it, there's no need to run your word count and there's nothing to lose.
I'm just throwing that out there. What I've seen is fine like it is, too.
Hope you like the new handle- feels like the old one's been soiled, somehow.
B.E.,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the previous comment, along with your suggestion I leave it unpublished. I'd been wishing we could talk about things in a less public forum. Of course, you can always post comments that I don't publish; I can't talk to you back, though, without putting it up here for anyone to see. But that's okay.
Virtually all the sparks that have recently flown out of my keyboard in your direction came from my misbelief that you were someone else, someone I dislike intensely and whom I long ago asked to stop reading my stuff, much less commenting on it. I had convinced myself, after my wife suggested it, that 'mr/ms x' really was that person, and it aggravated the shit out of me. It's amazing how one's perceptions of things alter when one 'knows' who wrote something intended to be anonymous... and I'm not sure what can be done about that. Obviously, I've been a variable at either end of that equation in the past, and it's slippery.
Suffice to say on that subject, looking at your words through that particular filter, I saw things that certainly weren't there when the filter was removed. The guy I thought you were IS a colossal suck up, and a complete tool. But without the layers of back story, I don't see that stuff just in the words you've written. I suppose that's a cautionary tale, but there really can't be any meaningful objectivity in human interaction... which may be sad, but that's the reality of it.
In my own defense, or not (he said tiredly, weary of his own endless self justifications) I seem to be one of those people who attracts the kind of extremists who turn into 'net-stalkers. In the old days it was just an annoyance; nowadays, I'm worrying for a wife and kids along with myself, and therefore, my paranoia is rather more hair-trigger. If you've gone through the blog, as you seem to have, then you'll have seen some of the shit I've had to deal with, and hopefully you'll know that I have some real world reason to be troubled by this stuff.
Mostly what it comes down to, I think, is when I have someone show up out of nowhere these days and they're interested in my work, but insistent that, no, I don't know them, I've never met them, there is no real world connection between me and them in the past, and they're keeping themselves anonymous for their own reasons... it makes the sirens go off, somewhere, on some level. It makes me really, REALLY want to figure out who they are, and when I think I have, well, it's reassuring. If you were the person I'd thought you were, well, I'd know you were just a harmless (very annoying) pest.
But I believe you're not that person, and, well, I guess you're not the other person I thought you were, either. But I'm not sure at this point whether or not you're really just some stranger who came across me on the 'net, or you're someone I've had some kind of real world interactions with who doesn't want those interactions known. You do seem to bear me and mine no malice, but, again, I don't know who you are, so, I'm wary.
I do, however, appreciate everything you've said to me, including things you've indicated aren't for public discussion.
I may throw up some more FEAR MASTERS to entertain you with while you're sick, as a 'thank you' and an apology. In fact, while I'm sitting out here trying not to have a coughing fit of my own that would wake up someone who needs to be asleep, I may as well do that. Yeah. Okay.
I agree (and, obviously, it wouldn't matter if I didn't, as the truth is obvious enough, but, still, I do hold that truth to be self evident) -- I am an asshole. But everyone's an asshole sometimes, or even all the time, to someone, (and a few lucky folks are never assholes to certain other people, and hey, look at me, I guess I've become one of those lucky folks, in the last couple of years -- something else to be grateful to SuperWife for, and I am). I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions and flew off the handle, and grateful for yet another life lesson... and I wish we could do this in email. But I'll take what we're both willing to work with.
Thanks again.
I hear you, and understand. I deal with a lot of the same problems myself.
ReplyDeleteIt is the nature of anger, you know, that it makes things seem important at the time. That's another reason I struggle to own my anger intead of it owning me- or to tranlate from psychobable, I try to avoid getting angry, and when I can't avoid it cool off before I do or say anything. Anger makes me stupid, mean and self destructive, none of which is good for anyone.
...And then there's the times if you don't do or say something, it'll cost you too much in sleep and/or self-respect and the like. I get that, too. Finding the right balance is tough.
I understand too, that I'll always be on thin ice here, and that's the price of guarding my privacy. I do try not to get my back up about price-of-doing-business issues.
We're cool.