Sometimes, you just gotta say, what the FUCK?!?So we were over at Comic Book World the other day and I picked up a postcard from the counter emblazoned with pictures of characters from something called Approbation Comics, which SuperWife advises me is a local comic book company. Hey, I'm thinking like the retard I often am, maybe they're looking for writers.
So I get home and I go out to approbationcomics.com and look around. Right on their front page there's a column of links, and among that column of links is one titled JOBS, so I hit JOBS and see the following text:
It's hard to break into comics (believe us, we know!). There are only so many books and companies on the market and a couple of hundred thousand creators who want to be writers, artists, etc. Of those hundred thousand the hard truth is a majority of the potentials are not ready for professional work. Either they don't have the necessary skills at present time or they are unable to work under a regular deadline and produce quality work.
Now do you still believe you are ready to break into comics? For some this is where doubt may creep in and that's ok. There are places available to help build your abilities and you can return with full confidence. Others may give up right here. Once you give up completely there is no help left. For the few who still want to face this industry now head on, continue reading:
Approbation Comics is a small indy company. We promise to look at each and every submission we receive, but please remember our primary job is to produce comics. Feedback may take the usual 4-6 weeks, or it may take longer depending on our workload. Rest assured if your submission is good enough you will receive a response.
And I’m thinking ‘oh FUCK yes, I will hit this place with so many spec scripts they will be picking their teeth with the things, because I have the necessary skills and I have the the ability to work under a deadline and produce quality work and I could even find a way to write that sentence without using the word ‘work’ twice in the same eight word stretch’.
So then I read further:
And I’m, like, oh.
This company is run by assholes.
Actually, even at this moment of which I write, I had a sneaking suspicion in the back of my brain that in point of fact, this company isn’t really run by assholes.
So I look around a little bit more. This company apparently publishes several different series, which rejoice in titles like CHAOS CAMPUS: SORORITY GIRLS VS ZOMBIES, CHI-SAI (featuring a female ninja sort who looks enormously like Steven Grant’s crappy female ninja character Whisper), VAMPIRES UNLIMITED, METAMUTOIDS, and AGENTS OF N.O.V.A., among others.
And… yeah… just as I figured must be true… this company isn’t run by assholes. It’s run by asshole, singular. Because, from what I can tell, every single title is written by the same guy, whose name happens to be Bart A. Thompson.
No other writers need apply. Nope. Good ol’ Bart is just looking for talented pencillers, inkers, colorists, painters, and letterers.
I probably shouldn’t call him an asshole. In fact, I frankly admire him. I mean, I would never in a million years have thought of setting up an entire company just to trick… er… lure… um… inveigle… eh… entrap… hm… okay, I mean, provide an opportunity to… talented artists and letterers, to draw and ink and color and letter my scripts.
Mind you, if I had the money to set up my own company where I was the only writer handling all the titles, I would be publishing things with titles like SCORPIO and TEAM VENTURE and PULSAR and FIRE-ANT and PARTISAN and stuff like that… not things called SORORITY GIRLS VS ZOMBIES or VAMPIRES UNLIMITED or METAMUTOIDS. And if I actually had the money to pay people to do creative tasks, I wouldn’t be the only writer; I would, at the very least, ask my old buddy Mike Norton if he’d like to write something for me.
But, still, these are minor and trivial quibbles, and there is really no difference between myself and Bart A. Thompson, other than the fact that I can actually write (but have no money to fund my own publishing company) and he has money (but cannot write a lick).
It’s always the way, isn’t it?