Web Search nikon coolpix digital cameras The Miserable Annals of the Earth: Quickly, now

Friday, December 14, 2007

Quickly, now

* There sure are a lot of people I don't know who are sending me email about how small my dick is. Somehow, that just seems... rude.

* Mike Norton has apparently died. This makes me sad.

* This is my 475th post on this blog. God knows how many posts I put up on previous blogs, although, as they're all still floating around random corners of the Internet, I suppose I could go back and check. But that sounds like work.

* I've been rereading some Travis McGee lately. Often there's a McGee sitting out on my desk at work while I'm taking calls. People come and go. There's this special contempt I feel for people whose eyes pass right over PALE GREY FOR GUILT or THE QUICK RED FOX without hesitation, without comment, without what seems to me should be the near obligatory "Oh, wow, Travis McGee! I love John D. MacDonald's stuff, but the Travis McGee books are really amazing". Contempt for a fellow human is, of course, not a reaction that reflects well on me (or anyone else, really) and I'm aware it's completely unfair -- every once in a while I see someone else reading something else, and it's never anything I feel any urge to stop and admire -- but then, nowadays, if you see someone at work reading something, chances are it's going to be the Bible, or some religious tract. Nrrrrm. It's a strange world, where nobody gives a shit about Travis McGee any more, and the only other people besides me who carry books are Born Agains.

* On that subject, whatever happened to the King James Bible? If you're going to read the Bible, you should at least read those fine funky rolling pseudo Old English syllables. I go out on the web and type in a random search for Bible quotes and it gives me this:

Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

This, I am meant to believe, is Jeremiah 33:3, but it is no such thing. Jeremiah 33:3 reads --

Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.

Frrmf. No wonder nobody cares about Travis McGee any more, in an era of watered down Bible verses.

And -- I'm sorry, but 'unsearchable'? What retard decided to replace 'mighty' with 'unsearchable'?

* I cleared my spam out before I sat down to write this post, and in the time it's taken me to type the above (not long, I type you like a hurricane) I've gotten one more email from Dr. Patty Carey, who seems to feel the size of my manhood is inadequate. I'll bet if John Holmes were still alive, he'd be getting email like this, too. But he'd just laugh at it.

10 Comments:

At 3:37 PM , Anonymous none said...

i tried to post something earlier
but i dont have the iq..
but i do read...read...
j d macdonald...thank you
for making me diginto the
storage area for the travis mcgee...boy! what a week i'm
gonna enjoy thank you

 
At 8:04 PM , Blogger The Bunnyman said...

Always glad to hear from someone, None, and especially happy to help you reacquaint yourself with the classics. Thanks very much for the comment and Merry Christmas!

 
At 10:30 AM , Blogger SuperWife said...

I just wanted to say that I hope you are wrong about Mr. Norton. I'd imagine that he's just overwhelmed with the business of business and all the fun little tasks that holiday season brings.

As for your anonymous email, if it makes you feel any better, I get alot of that, too. Of course, my dick is non-existent, but I don't think their products will address that issue at all.

 
At 1:32 PM , Blogger Opus P. Penguin said...

Hey, SW, I get ads for those products, too...are they trying to tell me something...? And if you use them on...well, other places...will it make them bigger? Let me know how your research goes (just kidding...just kidding...).

I keep getting anonymous emails about how creative I am and that I'm so creative that I should send the e-mailer 9.95 a month so they can find me jobs where I can be creative. Hey, if I was that creative, shouldn't I be able to figure out how to find my own jobs?

 
At 12:57 AM , Blogger MJ Norton said...

No, no... death actually works out well for me. I've been needing a vacation. Let's stick with that. ;)

 
At 9:42 AM , Blogger The Bunnyman said...

Good Lord, that looks like... Mike Norton, in my comment threads! But... but... he's DEAD!

Better go for a head shot.

 
At 10:49 AM , Blogger MJ Norton said...

You know, the deep cultural infusion of zombie lore may be what's been keeping Jesus from coming back. Someone comes back from the dead and we not only all expect him to be looking to take a bite out of us but we know the best way to take him out is a head shot. Decades of programming mean that few people in the Western world don't know the rules.

This may mean that either George Romero is the Anti-Christ or is at least someone charged with keeping Jesus away. I'd say the odds are on the latter because the Anti-Christ would be rolling in cash. Maybe George made a bad deal in trading his soul for a career as a "name" movie director while not specifying more details of success...

 
At 11:48 AM , Blogger The Bunnyman said...

Hmmm. I think it could be big --

ZOMBIE JESUS -- the day He came home... HUNGRY!!!!

There should be something in there about Him getting revenge for all those billions of Communion ceremonies, but I can't find the phrasing for it right now. "Take, eat, for this is YOUR body, bee-atch..." Something like that.

 
At 11:51 AM , Blogger The Bunnyman said...

Heh. And of course, you'd never get tired of the recurring shock takes whenever the Undead Savior shows up at someone's front door, leading an ever increasing horde of Unborn Again zombies over the course of the movie --

ZOMBIE JESUS: Nrrrggggggggg
::pounding at door BAM BAM BAM::

HAPLESS HOMEOWNER opening door: What? Who -- JESUS CHRIST! ARRRGGHHHHHH! {as the hordes overrun and devour him)

Substitute "Good Lord", "Sweet Jesus", etc, etc, as you please.

 
At 10:00 PM , Blogger Nate said...

Ok, that would be... creepy. No, it's Zombie Apocalypse, not zombie Armageddon.

HUGE difference.

 

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