Full court press

A failed Supreme Court nomination could well spell doom for the Bush Administration, and a serious setback to the conservative Christian agenda. Are Republican leaders willing to step up? Will they go all the way to get Alito on the Supreme Court? Pictures don't lie --

Christian conservatives desperately want Alito confirmed -- so much so, in fact, that they're willing to BLOW GOD!

"Say!" says a prominent conservative African American, "that's a great idea! If it gets Alito on the court, I'll BLOW GOD too!"

Yet another wealthy and conservative African American shows his support for Alito. "I'm not orally inclined," this fine fellow opines, "but God, I will manually stimulate your prostate to orgasm several times if you will only put Alito on the highest court in the land!"

"Dammit," Senator Ted Kennedy says, "I'm not gonna orally copulate God to keep Alito off the Supreme Court, that's ridiculous... the best I can do is a handjob, Lord."

The nominee himself, meanwhile, is understandably exasperated with all this foolishness. "I'm the main man here! For Christ's sake, who's gonna blow ME?"

"Uh... well, I... thanks, ma'am, but... er... anyone else...?"

"Uh... wait... um... can I maybe get one of those black guys...?"

"No need for miscegnation, Sam," the Senate Majority Leader generously volunteers. "My finely sculpted Caucasion suck hole was made to order for your pulsating pink love log... just break that bad boy out and ram it home, Goliath!"

In the end, the truly devout Christian can only stand aghast and appalled at what the Republican Party has become.

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