Conservative courtesy

Liberals, of course, are widely known to use offensive, insulting, even threatening invective when they argue with conservatives. We're the trolls under the bridge in political debate; the toxins in the water table. We pollute everything with our foul language and our complete unwillingness to be civil or rational or polite. You just can't have a courteous conversation with us; we're unhinged and can't be trusted and potentially psychotically violent.

From Digby's blog, these t-shirts, which apparently are being sold on several conservative sites, including Michelle Malkin's new one:





















In this spirit, I hereby present my very own

FUN FACTS ABOUT CONSERVATIVES --

The main diet of the conservative is horseshit, intermixed with varying amounts of bullshit. This gives them really bad breath, but on the other hand, makes them easy to detect and avoid.

Conservatives will attempt to insult, threaten, harangue, and denounce you into accepting their narrow-minded biases as scientific fact and their own personal and peculiar, often medieval, codes of behavior as binding universal law. When you respond with a preference to continue thinking for yourself, they will demand that you be arrested and/or hung. Avoid them. There is no reasoning with them. Eventually they’ll go back into their holes, after we vote enough of their greedy, power-crazed representatives out of office, and/or put them in jail.

Asking guests to give up their firearms at the door will keep conservatives from entering your home.

Conservatives are violently opposed to anyone doing anything they personally disapprove of, but have yet to suggest any remotely valid reason why anyone else should care.

If you see a massive fuel-hog SUV on the road, it’s probably being driven by a conservative. It would be wrong to follow it until it parks and then plaster its windshield with REELECT GORE IN 2004 stickers. Wrong. Wrong.

Conservatives are constantly threatening liberals with violence, imprisonment, and/or death. They seem to forget which side has the brains.

The most dangerous predator of conservatives is an honest special prosecutor.

Inspired by deceitful television ads and emotional catch phrases rarely composed of multisyllabic words, conservatives ‘support the troops’ by putting stickers on their cars and talking their children out of enlisting in the armed forces. What this accomplishes, other than making conservatives feel smug about themselves, is anyone’s guess.

Conservatives are always demanding that lawbreakers go to jail, until they get caught breaking the law, at which point, they scramble frantically to hire expensive lawyers to get them out from under. Just go to jail, bitches!


And then there’s

LIMBAUGH – OXYCONTIN – JAIL

Some equal application of law required


I don't know. My t-shirt would have to have really small type on it. But conservatives have such short attention spans, it probably wouldnt' matter, anyway.


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