He's got questions, I've got answers

Tony Collett posted these questions on his blog a while back, with the prediction that I would disagree with him on every single one of them. I disagree with this! No, wait… Hmmm. Well, in order to argue with him I have to take a position contrary to his…


1. Can Venom bond with Collosus when he's metal? When is Venom ever metal? This is a very silly question.

2. Can Classic Black Tom Cassidy block out Black Canary's scream? Well, if Green Arrow can learn to block out her bitching about his idiotic goatee – and clearly, he can – I suspect Black Tom can learn to block out the screaming, yeah.

2. Can Gambit, with enough power, charge up air particles? Gambit’s a Cajun, and therefore, has a truly wretched credit rating. He can’t charge anything. It’s strictly cash for him, and the clerk is going to use those cool styptic pencils to check all his twenties for forgeries, too. It's just the way things are, in this cruel, Cajun hating world.

4. What would happen if Rogue touched Martian Manhunter? The Martian Manhunter would get a gigantic woodie and be very, very embarrassed when the rest of the JLA suddenly realize the huge Anna Paquin obsession he’s been hiding for years.

5. Could Hulk, if he got mad enough, break through a [Green Lantern]'s shield? He could break through Kyle’s, or Guy’s, or G’nort’s. But so could Bruce Banner. Or my nephew Ben. Those guys are loser Lanterns. He could never break through Hal’s, though, because while he was trying, Hal would will his ring to beam calming theta waves at the Hulk, lulling him into a deep, tranquil slumber. Hal is smart.

6. If Gambit charges up a metal object, could Magneto stop it from exploding? I don’t know, but I say, let's find out. Lock Gambit and Magneto in a room with a big ass metal object and let er' rip.

7. Could Kitty phase through Invisible Woman's shield? Unless they’re both in a big pit full of Jello when they try it, I don’t care.

8. Could Kitty phase through a GL's shield? This is an insane scenario. Why would any GL ever put up a shield between him and Kitty Pryde? Unless Kitty is putting the moves on Hal and Arisia is putting a shield up between them or something. Then... I don't know. I suspect Hal would beam theta waves at Arisia to put her into a calming, tranquil sleep. Lord knows I would.

9. What would happen if Banner had his bones bonded with metal? I think he’d scream a lot and wish whoever was doing it in hell, quite fervently, and then he'd probably die. Having your bones bonded with metal sounds pretty lethal.

Would he not be able to grow if he became the Hulk? Well, maybe if Black Talon brought him back as Zombie Hulk. I don't know. These are weird questions. Do you have your Federal ID? I may have to report you to the authorities, sir.

10. I once heard the Nightcrawler teleported by transferring to a different dimension. If this is true, could he stay there? Please Lord, please, Lord, I so badly need this to happen.

11. Is Juggernaught unstoppable if he's not moving? This is like that thing where Harry Mudd cannot speak the truth, and then he says “I am lying”, right? Well, you won’t get me! See, the trick is, the Juggernaut is ALWAYS moving, because he’s on a planet that is revolving at several thousand miles per hour! HA! I’ve run rings around you logically.