In your heart you know it's rightMy crazy Uncle Fred, the one who makes all his money from some third rate Amway knock off pyramid sales company, sent me some email this morning.
Generally, when my crazy Uncle Fred sends me email, I just delete it unread, because crazy Uncle Fred has, somewhere along the line, changed from being the cool Uncle Rick who used to let me read his Superman and Captain America comics when I was little to being, well, a Limbaugh and Hannity reiterating pinhead.
However, every once in a while I sigh and open one of Fred's emails, because it's a little painful for me to think that my cool Uncle Rick really is gone forever. I keep hoping he may send me something that actually, at some point, displays a vestigial shred of coolness, or, if that's too much to hope for, at least, a tiny bit of sanity.
This is what he sent me this morning:
WHAT'S ALL THE FUSS?
Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001? Were people from all over the world, mostly Americans, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan, across the Potomac from our nation's capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania? Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or didn't they?
And I'm supposed to care that a copy of the Koran was "desecrated" when an
overworked American soldier kicked it or got it wet? Well, I don't. I don't care at all.
I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11.
I'll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring
about the Holy Bible, the mere possession of which is a crime in Saudi Arabia.
I'll care when Abu Musab al-Zarqawi tells the world he is sorry for hacking
off Nick Berg's head while Berg screamed through his gurgling, slashed throat.
I'll care when the cowardly so-called "insurgents" in Iraq come out and
fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques.
I'll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of
nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide bombs.
I'll care when the American media stops pretending that their First Amendment liberties are somehow derived from international law instead of the United States Constitution's Bill of Rights.
In the meantime, when I hear a story about a brave marine roughing up an
Iraqi terrorist to obtain information, know this: I don't care.
When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who have been
humiliated in what amounts to a college hazing incident, rest assured that I
When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank that I don't care.
When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and
fed "special" food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being "mishandled," you can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts that I don't care.
And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled "Koran" and other times "Quran." Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and --you guessed it, I could not have said this any better myself!
If you agree with this view point, pass this on to all your e-mail friends.
Sooner or later, it'll get to the people responsible for this ridiculous behavior! If you don't agree, then by all means hit the delete button. Should you choose the latter, then please don't complain when more atrocities committed by radical Muslims happen here in our great country,like are happening in France now.
So, what the hell, here are some random thoughts I had while I was scanning through this thing:
* * * 9/11 gave Americans everywhere a blank check to do anything we want, as long as we are 'fighting terror' when we do it. That's really cool.
* * * Islamic suicide bombers are not seeking nirvana. Buddhists seek nirvana. Islamic suicide bombers seek instant translation to Allah's Paradise by martyring themselves in an act of self immolation meant to take out many of the enemy, as well. Buddhists, on the other hand, crouch in really uncomfortable positions and chant a lot. I guess, if you're a moron, it would be hard to tell the difference between the two groups, but here's a hint: the Islamic terrorists are the ones that explode.
* * * How do you tell the difference between a 'brave marine' and a cowardly piece of shit? Well, again, here's a hint: if you're hitting a handcuffed prisoner repeatedly in the nads with a billy club, you're not a brave anything.
* * * Similarly, how do you tell the difference between humiliating torture of illegally imprisoned human beings and a college hazing incident? Well, generally there are fewer snarling Dobermans on leashes at the college hazing incident, for one thing. For another, most of the participants in the college hazing incident aren't being held at gun point in handcuffs. Finally, the illegally imprisoned people who are being humiliated and tortured would, if they were allowed to, leave.
* * * It amazes me that there are, apparently, no innocent, illegally held prisoners anywhere in the American occupied Middle East. No, it seems (at least, according to Pamela Foster of Atlanta, Georgia, and my Uncle Fred who enthusiastically forwards her email to everyone he knows) that everyone locked up in an American military prison is, in fact, a tried and convicted Iraqi terrorist. Apparently, tried and convicted Iraqi terrorists are not protected by international law pertaining to the treatment of prisoners... but, of course, I'm forgetting; 9/11 gave every American a blank check to do anything at all to fight the War on Terror.
Finally... Christ! Those goddam radical Muslims and their wave of terror in France! You just know something like that is about to happen here in America, any minute now, and when it does, it will be because of us no good lazy godless whining left wing egghead liberals who encouraged the little fuckers to do it, too! Jesus! How any decent right thinking American Christian can be expected to tolerate us for one more minute I cannot comprehend. In fact, it is the duty of every hard working God fearing patriotic American to shoot every fucking liberal they see, before we bring this country to its knees and surrender our way of life to be crushed beneath the iron heel of our towelheaded Islamic masters.
Please. For the love of God. Put The Bullet Here.