Friday, April 27, 2018

All The Young Dudes

You can get a fair overview of everything wrong with the Internet by reading reviews of INFINITY WAR:

"This was my biggest concern going in, because two hours and forty minutes is a very long amount of time for me not to check Twitter. At the screening, I didn’t have my phone (they took it) and I was wearing a broken watch (hipster affect)"

I just know that if I were to post a hundred word comment on anything this guy ever wrote, he'd either accuse me of bloviating or just toss off  a 'TLDR'.  "Hipster affect" my ass.  If he wears a watch that works, he might notice how short his attention span is.  Wouldn't want that.

"Granted, these movies are based on superhero comics, which do this sort of character development a lot, with characters baldly stating what they’re thinking or feeling because of the comparative struggle of comics to delve into their characters’ heads, lacking consistent devices for inner monologues (as a more traditional novel would have) or the benefit of an actor’s performance (as a movie or TV show would have)."

Please stop writing about things you don't know anything about.  PLEASE.  Comic books have one of the best devices for inner monologues ever invented -- the thought balloon.  Modern comics don't use it because modern comics suck, but  if this reviewer had ever read a GOOD comic, he'd know all about the thought balloon.  I mean, Jesus.

That said, I can’t say that any of the deaths were particularly moving. Loki’s early offing at least sets the stakes of Infinity War. I’d probably mourn Idris Elba’s character if I could remember his name.

Fuckstick.  If you can't remember Heimdall's name, stop writing about the Marvel Cinematic Universe.  Right NOW.

Scott: Co-sign!

I know it's hateful and wrong to use references to homosexuality in an insulting fashion.  I know this.  I know this.  I know this.  But.  Still.  Jesus Christ, dudes.

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