And, for my 700th post... well, I'm doing this, I guess.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4Rjy5yW1gQ&feature=youtu.be

I don't even know what to say about this.

I'm a geek. I'm not proud of it, I'm not ashamed of it. I watched the music video, and what struck me was the one girl holding up the sign saying "Get over yourself".

It's good advice for nearly everyone. Especially everyone in that video.

People are dying from shit in our drinking water. People are being beaten on the streets because they are gay. People don't have anything to eat, or homes to live in, or jobs. Right now, somewhere, a few thousand kids are being tortured or molested, most of them by adults they should be able to trust not to do that. 

And now I'm supposed to be all concerned because some of my fellow geeks feel disrespected by others of my fellow geeks on the basis of their gender?

I mean, seriously. Can we all just get over ourselves?

I don't even know what a 'geek' is any more. I am snobby about it to this extent: I still feel that if you don't read for pleasure, if what you are 'geeky' about does not include written material of some sort, then you're not really a geek. Sorry. That's just me being old fashioned. But the printed word requires the use of the imagination in a way that video games, TV shows, movies, and other visual entertainment media do not. And I think that, whatever a geek is, imagination has to be a vital, essential part of it. So if you're a 'geek' because you play video games and love superhero movies and TV shows but you can't get through a page of Tolkien without going to sleep, or putting it down and picking up a remote control... no, sorry. To my mind, you're not a geek. Sorry if that hurts your feelings, but that's where I draw the line.

Having said that, let me say something else: a large part of what validates the geek tag or the geek experience for me is emotional pain. Feelings of social unworthiness, of not being accepted, of not being liked or wanted. A geek, in my experience, is someone who turns to their imagination -- books, roleplaying games, drawing, painting, writing -- because mainstream real life, with all those good looking smooth talking cool folks, have thoroughly and hurtfully rejected them. 

I'm sure this can happen for female human beings as well as for male human beings, but I will say that in my opinion, it happens less often to ATTRACTIVE female human beings than it does to any male human being. And most if not all of the girls in that video were attractive. 

So if I doubt anything about the validity of their geek status/experience, it is in that I doubt that they have been rejected quite as generally, specifically, thoroughly, painfully, and cruelly as most male geeks have. 

But beyond that, I simply question the validity and significance of this as a social issue. Even presuming that 'geek' has somehow become a coveted social status that we homely fat bully magnets must defend at all costs from the incursion of lame wannabe geeks who haven't paid their dues... and maybe it has, when apparently ANYone, literate or not, can claim that status for themselves now... honestly, why do you care?

Now, I personally can name every single member of the JSA, JLA, and Legion of Superheroes, off the top of my head with no research, and all their secret identities, and for most of them, their Significant Others, too. Plus, had I had telekinetic powers my senior year I guarantee you, the site of my high school would be a salted, cindered, cratered vacant lot from which the more psychically sensitive would still be able to hear the screams of the departed victims of my humiliated rage. 

So, yes, I am a geek. I am. No doubt about it. I'm not proud of it, I'm not ashamed of it, but it is absolutely a label and a status that I have earned through pain and toil. 

But if I don't think YOU are really a geek... whoever you are, and I probably don't, if you just play video games and especially if you got dates in high school... then, really, why do you care? Why is this important?

Go make some sandwiches and pass them out to homeless people. Make a music video about THAT. 

And get over yourself.

Issue zero

A rough idea for Issue Zero (hopefully to be published after a few issues of the actual series are out, so we can do clever sly references that the readers will immediately connect to things that have already occurred, but which are yet in the future at the time this is set).  

PAGE ONE

PANEL ONE

VISUAL:  The exterior of the Naval Observatory, the residence of the Vice President of the United States.  Word balloons initially come from one of the windows of the building.

CAPTION:  The Naval Observatory, Washington D.C.:  Private office in the residence of the Vice President of the United States:

VP:  Malcolm.  Good to see you again, my friend.

MAL:  Honored as always, sir.  

CAPTION:  John Nance Garner, the 32nd Vice President of the United States, once noted that that the Office of the Vice President was "not worth a bucket of warm piss". 

PANEL TWO

VISUAL:  We're closer to the window now and we can see VP Robert Shockley through it.  Shockley is very much meant to be a Dick Cheney type of character, and should probably generally resemble him... older, balding, stocky.. but perhaps he is a light skinned black man.  Or unlike Cheney, he may have served at some point in the military (he would certainly have arranged postings for himself that were far from combat, although at the same time, he may well have also arranged for various combat decorations and medals to be awarded to himself over the years.)  So he may be in uniform of some sort.

CAPTION:  Even before he was sworn in as VPOTUS 48, Robert Shockley disagreed with that quote... mostly because he'd always felt that a bucket of warm piss could be extremely useful in the right circumstances.

VP:  Mal, I've been looking at the THINK TANK proposal.  Lookin' hard, Mal.  Lookin' hard.

CAPTION:  Certainly, a gallon sized bucket of warm piss could make an effective bludgeoning weapon.  A trifle clumsy, maybe.  But if you were sneaky about your approach...

MAL:  I... well, Bob, I'm glad to hear that.  I hope...

PANEL 3:  

VISUAL:  We're inside the private office of the VP now.  This is the one in his residence and is probably a little cluttered.  I have no idea what the place looks like, but we can probably find some visual reference for it.   VP Shockley is behind his desk, his visitor, our Mirror Shades guy, is sitting in a chair in front of it.  The desk is covered with files and books and photos, as Shockley is neck deep in covert (highly illegal/immoral) military/intelligence/surveillance ops at all times.   Mirror Shades has a file folder of his own open on his lap.  

CAPTION:  Certainly you could waterboard one of those little Muslim motherf&@kers with a bucket of warm piss.  Or a g*dd@m hippie, for that matter...

VP:  Mal, you know I don't have to tell you, we've pulled a lot of sh%t together.  A LOT of sh%t.   Buried a lot of bodies.  Yes sir.  Yes indeed.

MAL:  Of course, Bob.  And this is no...

VP:  It's different, Mal.  Of course it's different.  This one?  I've got a pretty strong stomach, Mal, but this one... this one makes me queasy.

TITLE:  A RUNAWAY AMERICAN DREAM

PAGE TWO

PANEL ONE

VISUAL:    More of the same; it will be these same two characters in the same room for the rest of this particular scene.  I leave it to your artistic ingenuity to keep it visually interesting... close ups, pull outs, exterior shots, whatever.  What's important is the dialogue.    

MAL:  Bob... sir.  With all due respect, Mr. Vice President... 

VP:  Due respect.  Yes sir, I am due respect. I run this country, Mal.  Not that glorified Ivy League daddy's boy in the Oval.  I got put on to babysit him, Mal.  You know that.  He cuts ribbons and does the photo ops.  I get the work done.  The hard nasty dirty day to day work of running the most powerful nation in the world. 

MAL:  No one doubts that, Bob.  No one who matters.

PAGE TWO

PANEL TWO

VISUAL:  More yak yak yak.  

VP:  Here's what I know, Mal.  I don't know a lot but I know this:  the American voters will put up with nearly any g#dd@m thing in the world as long as they get warm pussy, cold beer, and plenty of NASCAR on TV.  

MAL:  Absolutely, Bob.  And we've been instrumental in...

VP:  Let me finish.  Let me finish.  Mal, they'll put up with nearly anything... but this?  This THINK TANK is an abomination.  One whiff of that in the papers and... Mal, we've trained these people like seals!  That whole 'Vietnam vets came home and were spit on by hippies' thing... never happened!  But they ate it up with a spoon!  They LOVE our boys!  They'll never stand still for... they'll be rioting in the streets, Mal!  And won't the Man-Child whine about that!

PAGE TWO

PANEL THREE

VISUAL:  Mal is being reassuring.  

MAL:  Bob... we've thought of that.  We would never hang you out to dry.  I hope you know that, Bob.  

MAL:  My guess is, you were so upset by the specs you never got to the proposed marketing campaign in the back of the file.  Would that be right, Bob?

VP:  Marketing?  Mal, you can't market...

PAGE TWO
PANEL FOUR

VISUAL:  More of the same.  We can see some kind of map of the United States in the office now, on a wall, on Shockley's desk, somewhere. 

MAL:  Oh, we can, Bob. We can.  We have it all planned out.  By the time we're done, the American public will be so sick of  hearing about military veterans... as sick as they are of  hippies, now.  

MAL:  There may be a little bit of a ruckus we have to get through.  I think you mentioned 'rioting in the streets'... yeah... we'll see some of that.  But we'll make that work for us.

MAL:  Just one thing we need from you, Bob, and your boy... besides your patience with us, I mean, and some cooperation under the table... 

PAGE TWO

PANEL FIVE

VISUAL:  Close up of Mal's finger on a map.  We can quite clearly see "Sparta City" marked on the map where his finger is resting, although we can't make out quite what state Sparta City is in.  

MAL:  ...we may need to borrow this city for a while.  

Before she freaks

Sung to the tune of Carrie Underwood's paen to vandalism and psycho ex girlfriends, "Before He Cheats": 

Right now, she's probably on Facebook 
postin' 'bout how she taught me a really good lesson

Right now, she's yakkin on her cellphone to her moron friend Britney
'bout how I shouldn't a' been messin' 

Right now, she's sittin' down to watch somethin' trashy 
on her parents' HBO

and she don't know --

that the local cops are on her trail
took photographs of all the details
including her name carved in my leather seats
she'll look so damn pretty in an orange jump suit
I hope she digs on that prison food
and maybe next time she'll think before she freaks

Right now, she's probably poppin open her fourth Budweiser
and she's got quite a buzz on

Right now, she's checkin' her baggie and about to make a call
to her dope dealin cousin

Right now, the deputy sheriff's pullin up
outside her crappy little mobile home

And she don't know

That the local cops are on her trail
they took photographs of all the details
including her name carved in my leather seats
she'll look so damn pretty in that orange jumpsuit
I hope she digs on that prison food
and maybe next time she'll think before freaks

I might have caused a little trouble for her cell mate
but the next time that she freaks... oh you know it won't be on me

When the whistle blows

In case anyone is wondering where I come down on things like Bradley Manning and this guy Snowden: our government is evil.  I vote in every election, I voted for President Obama twice, I do not think he is, as an individual, an evil man... but our government is evil.   Every day it implements policies that hurt people, for no reason except to expedite certain political purposes (getting votes, obtaining further patronage from wealthy patrons, etc).  And sometimes, the motivations behind these policies, especially the most secret ones, are more than simple self serving greed... they are more grandly , malevolently evil things, having to do with learning how to better control individual human beings and groups of human beings.  This is evil, pure and simple.

There is an endless list of evil our government enacts every day, from voting to let needy people starve to transferring money to top secret projects designed to kill, harm, or coerce.

Patriotism is at best gullible stupidity, at worst, a knowing, cunning mask for corruption and manipulation.

Governments should not be allowed to have secrets from those they govern.  They simply should not.  Arguments that certain functions of government require secrecy are foolish.  Any function of government that requires secrecy is pernicious and unnecessary.  If they can't tell us about it, they shouldn't be doing it.

Therefore, to my mind, anyone who reveals government secrets to the press and to the public is performing a valuable service -- a far more valuable service than that performed by those who classify anything and everything on the grounds that if the people being governed were to find out about it, they might not like it.  They might tell them to stop.

The power to arrest, to try, and to imprison has been so extensively abused in our country... in every country I am aware of, but especially in our country... that I'm starting to think our government simply should not be allowed to do it any more.  We should have a Constitutional amendment that states that our police may only arrest and our courts may only try matters that have been brought by individual citizens, never by groups and especially never by the government.   The government should never be a party to a criminal case, unless it is as a defendant.

Whistleblowers should be lauded, not prosecuted.

Ah, your tears, they taste so sweet to me

I'm late to the party on this. What else is new?

So, well, I hate George R.R. Martin for being a lazy self indulgent asshole who doesn't have enough talent to finish what he's started, and apparently isn't going to even try.

But I still love A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE. (If you're literate, you know what A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE is. If you're not, go fuck yourself.)

I'll admit, the last two books have shown exactly what I feared we'd see as Martin incrementally progressed further and further into this vast and uncontrollable plot... which is to say, the further he gets, the more he just makes up stupid shit because he simply cannot keep a handle on this thing. (Like suddenly, there's a prophecy that Cersei has known about since childhood that a younger, prettier queen will eclipse her glory, and also, Cersei will one day be killed by her 'volonquar', which means, brother. And, like, nobody who's reading this thing is smart enough to realize, he doesn't mean Tyrion, he means the OTHER brother. Cuz, you know, that's ironic and shit.)

Yet, still, the first book (the actual A GAME OF THRONES) is probably the best fantasy ever written. Probably. And the next two books were awesome, too. And there's a lot to love even in the most recent two, although the latest one is so full of absolute unabashed pointless meaningless plot padding drivel, as Martin works frantically to crank out copy while never advancing the story to the point where he actually has to start resolving all his plot lines, because he CAN'T, and he knows it... anyway. 

So I've read the books, and mostly love them, hate George R.R. Martin for taking my money and not making the slightest effort to give me what I've paid for in anything like a timely manner, and... aaaaaaaaaand....

...I absolutely LOATHE, I mean, LOATHE, the HBO 'adaptation' of these books.

Why? Because it SUCKS, that's why. Because despite Martin's (no doubt contractually obligated) assurances to the contrary, the fucking story ISN'T there. Because the producers are asshats who make creative 'decisions' on this show based on things like, wow, we really like the actress who plays Kyra, so let's make her part much much bigger. And don't Ari and Tywin Lannister have great chemistry? So let's write in more scenes with them and get rid of the entire Harrenhall story arc. And for absolutely no reason anyone will ever understand, let's marry Robb Stark off to some Valerian healer bitch who isn't even IN the books. And then murder her.

So I hate hate hate hate HATE this HBO show. And lately I've been watching it, because my wife likes to watch it and I'm always in the room late Sunday night when she does.

So all this season, I've been vaguely aware that the Red Wedding was coming up, and, well, I had MY Red Wedding trauma like 13 years ago, so I was just kind of vaguely curious as to how much of the original material they'd leave in. 

Turns out they left in pretty much all of it.

And now, apparently, the entire world... at least, the entire world of people who think they like this story but who have never bothered to READ this story... has freaked out about it.

And it's awesome. Seriously. Your tears, they taste so sweet to me. 

13 years ago, everybody who reads this series, which was immensely popular at that time, had a simultaneous sad. And nobody gave a shit. The world did not care. Because, people who read, hey, who gives a fuck about them?

Now, a couple of million sub literates have completely lost their shit over a TV show, and it's big, big news. 

And all I have to say to all of this is:

Ah ha ha hah ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa!

http://io9.com/the-100-best-tweets-about-last-nights-game-of-thrones-511003444

The doom of Westeros

Entertainment in any medium -- movies, books, games, whatever -- is about doing two things -- artificially creating tension in the audience, and then releasing that tension in a satisfactory manner. Both require some level of skill and/or talent, but the first is much much easier than the last.

The SONG OF ICE AND FIRE books by George R.R. Martin have, so far, been entirely an exercise in creating tension, and Martin has done it masterfully. But when he says "The tale grew in the telling", I personally think he's kidding himself. Yes, he made up more stuff than he thought he was going to because he's as fascinated with the fictional setting as any of the rest of us... but what he's really doing as he crams more and more and more into the story is, he's putting off the point where he has to segue from one phase (creating tension) to the much harder one (releasing all that tension in a satisfying manner). 

With SOIAF, that point is going to come when Daenarys reaches Westeros and deals with whoever is left sitting on the Throne by the time she gets there. That will be the first key step in releasing all this dramatic tension he's built up, and everything else in the book (the battle between Dark and Light, Chaos and Order, Entropic Decay and Structure/Civilization) will necessarily uncoil out of it. And the story has become so complex that this is not something that will simply naturally unfold the way a much simpler narrative (like the books I write) would. It will literally require the hands of a master composer to bring this off... it's like a symphony, and every note is going to have to be perfect.

It's why, I think, it is taking Martin so long to get to that point... a point we all expected to happen at least two huge volumes ago, a point we all assumed would occur in the book called A DANCE WITH DRAGONS. Martin keeps dragging it out, making up new characters and new arcs that are meaningless and go nowhere (can anyone say Quentyn Martell?) because (IMHO) he's afraid to move from one phase to the next. He can't handle his own creation. He hasn't got the chops.

Martin has supposedly told the producers behind his HBO show the general outline of how the story is supposed to come out, in case he dies before the show catches up with the books, or something. And I'm sure he's told them something, just as I'm sure he has some concept of how it all ends. But whatever idea he has, it's nebulous and vague and undetailed and somehow, he has to get his story from where it is now to Over There, and to do that, he's got to weave a thousand different threads together in a way that creates a compelling, convincing, and above all, utterly satisfying narrative climax... and I don't think he can do it. I've read a lot of his stuff, and he's never shown any real capacity for bringing off a satisfying ending. Even if he was "the American Tolkien", as so many keep insisting on calling him, I don't think Tolkien himself could pull this off. 

Plus, Martin has no real incentive to finish this thing. Right now, he's getting enormous amounts of attention, this saga has single handedly brought all his other books back into print and made them best sellers, and it's generating huge amounts of coin for him. And until he actually comes out with the final book, he hasn't let anyone down yet... the work cannot be judged. My guess is, he'll die with it incomplete and his publishers will hire someone... perhaps many someones, as with his WILD CARDS books... to finish it up.

She's got a brain, a super-brain... wait... no, she doesn't

So... where are all the super-smart superheroines?

For that matter, where are ANY super smart super-women at all?

Super-smart supermen are as common as water molecules in comics, on both ends of the morality spectrum.  There are dozens if not hundreds of male supertypes who employ their superhumanly keen intellects in various fields of science -- Lex Luthor, Bruce Wayne, Ray Palmer, Barry Allen, Dr. Doom, Reed Richards, Hank Pym, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Charles Xavier -- super scientists who put on costumes and punch out other super scientists in their spare time are simply all over the place.  These super scientists routinely invent way out whacky stuff like artificial intelligence, anti gravity rays, force field projectors, gateways to the Negative Zone, teleporters, nuclear powered battle armor, size changing gas, and humanoid robots that cannot be easily told from real people... and every single one of these brilliant boffins is a guy.

Every.  Single.  One.

I'm not saying superwomen are dumb.  I am saying, however, that while it's almost routine for male superheroes to be superhumanly intelligent in their secret identities, there are absolutely no female super scientists or inventors... not that I can think of, anyway.

No, wait, I've thought of one.  In Marvel's long ago, very short lived CLAWS OF THE CAT series, there is a female super scientist, Joanne Tumolo (I think).  She gives Greer Larsen her cat-like powers and a supersuit that turns out to be full of movement enhancing microcircuitry.  However, later on, she turns out to be a disguised cat-person who actually uses magical powers rather than super science, so I'm not sure she counts.

And even Dr. Tumolo was not a super-player herself, merely a supporting player and plot device.

As a general rule, superheroines created in the Silver Age largely fall into one of two generally demeaning categories anyway -- they were either created to be the Inevitable Girl on an otherwise all male superteam, or they were created as female copies of a commercially successful male character, in hopes of exanding that character's appeal to female fans.  (The Golden Age of comics was a looser, freer, more flexible time and Golden Age superheroines who still exist today, notably, Wonder Woman and Black Canary, do not have to fit into this mold, although both of them have, at some time or another, fulfilled the seemingly mandatory role of being the only female member of an otherwise all male superteam.)

Yet even superheroines created as female versions of male characters are never as smart as their male progenitors.  Spider-girl does not have Peter Parker's scientific savvy, nor does She-Hulk have Bruce Banner's superhuman brain power, simply to list two of many, many examples.  Superman often displayed 'super intelligence' when a storyline required it; Supergirl has rarely or never made use of such a power, presuming she even has it.

Now, super women tend to be smart... I mean, they ain't stupid, as a general rule.  Black Canary, Wonder Woman, Sue Storm, Hawkgirl, Ms. Marvel, the Wasp... these chicks are bright as hell.   But it seems that they are never allowed to be SUPER smart, like so many of their male peers are. They do not invent wondrous super-devices, they do not expand the boundaries of whatever field of superscience they may work in... in fact, they do not  have intellectually demanding jobs at all.

In fact, when you think of it...

Wonder Woman, in her secret identity as Diana Prince, has generally been a secretary.

Black Canary, in her everyday ID as Dinah Drake, own her own flower shop.

Sue Storm Richards is a housewife and mother.

Ms. Marvel, AKA Carol Danvers... I don't know what she's doing these days.  She's been in charge of security at an Air Force base in Florida that kept getting attacked by Captain Marvel villains, and she was managing editor for NOW Magazine.  God knows what she's doing now.

The Wasp/Janet Van Dayne is a rich heiress.  (Well, apparently she's currently dead in Marvel continuity, but I don't care.)

She-Hulk's alter ego of Jennifer Walters is a lawyer, although She Hulk hates being Jennifer Walters and rarely turns back into her.


There are, in fact, only two really amazingly super smart women I can think of in comics:  Dr. Moira MacTaggart in the Marvel Universe, who is sort of a female Scottish equivalent to Professor X, without any mutant powers, and Oracle, otherwise known as Barbara Gordon, who become a supergenius computer hacker after being paralyzed by the Joker and losing her ability to physically fight crime as Batgirl (yet another female version of a male character designed to hopefully appeal to female fans).

It's notable that Dr. MacTaggart is not a super-player, she just hangs out with them -- essentially, she's a plot device.

It's even more worth noting that when Barbara Gordon (herself the daughter of a notable male character, Police Commissioner James Gordon) was Batgirl (a female version of a stronger, more competent, obviously smarter male superhero) she fought crime physically, and was not only never as smart as Batman, she never seemed particularly intellectual at all, despite the fact that in her secret identity, she was a librarian.  It was only when her capacity to kick bad guys into unconsciousness was removed that she suddenly demonstrated superhuman mental prowess.

Along this tack, also let us look at Sue Storm Richards, i.e., the Invisible Girl/Woman, and Janet Van Dyne, the winsome, wonderful Wasp.  Both have demonstrated enormous competence and intelligence over the years, and both have been depicted as hiding their undeniable brains and ability out of fear that their boyfriends/husbands won't like them if they act too smart.

It would seem that in superhero comics -- an industry dominated by male creators, specifically targeted at an overwhelmingly male audience, it is taken overwhelmingly for granted that a smart woman is not a desirable woman/character/market commodity.  And even when female characters are created specifically to appeal to female comics fans, those female characters are never defined as being particularly intelligent... meaning, male creators not only assume male fans don't want or like smart women, but female fans share this distaste for intelligent female characters as well.

Essentially, there are very very very few female characters who have ever been introduced into comics and been shown to possess the kind of superhuman intellectual capacity that is common to many, many male comic book characters.  And when I say 'very very very very few', I mean, like, three.

And out of those three, none of them are allowed to be actively, physically superhuman.

So, as an almost universal rule, women can't be super smart in superhero comics.  On the extraordinarily rare occasion that a supersmart woman does show up... she's not allowed to really do anything.  She is allowed to exist only as a supporting character.

Women who do get to play in the superhuman theater of operations -- trying to conquer the world, or save the world -- villainesses and heroines, in other words -- aren't allowed to demonstrate great intelligence while they do it.  They can be smart... but they can't be REALLY smart.

Which is another way of saying, women are not allowed to be of primary importance in superhero comics.  They are not allowed to be dominant.  They are not allowed to be in charge.  Oh, women can take their turn leading superhero teams -- that was something that became very trendy back in the 80s and 90s; everyone from the Invisible Woman to the Wasp to the female Captain Marvel got a turn to be team leader for a while.

But they still can't really... RUN it.

Marvel even has an Illuminati group now of the most powerful characters in various different areas that run things from behind the scenes.  Who's in it?  Iron Man, Black Bolt, Dr. Strange, Reed Richards, the Sub Mariner, and Professor X.  All men.  (For that matter, they're all WHITE men, but that's a different topic... if only a slightly different one.)

So, essentially, the super people who are really the movers and shakers, the people who pull the strings and make all the important decisions behind the scenes in the Marvel Universe... are all guys.  No women need apply to be Illuminati members (no non whites, either, as previously noted.)

It's like, seriously, this is 2013, dudes.  WTF?

Where are the female Brainiacs, the female super scientists inventing cool futuristic stuff, the female super-warriors who also happen to have galaxy class intellects?  Nowhere.  Apparently, they don't exist.

I think it's about time superhero comics had a few.

The Zombie Ray From Outer Space!

I love this book!


"Heroes that never say die, villains that always scream "DIE!", flying cars, giant orbital eyeballs, spaceships powered by an inertialess drive, an evil space fortress on the planet Pluto... and legions of unliving zombies! The plot starts in hyperspeed and keeps accelerating until the final page! If you love sci fi, fantasy, horror, or zombie apocalypse stories, this is the Can't Miss Book of the year!"

Indignation

President Obama just said:

"I'll do everything in my power to make sure nothing like this happens again by holding the responsible parties accountable, by putting in place new checks and new safeguards, and going forward, by making sure that the law is applied as it should be -- in a fair and impartial way. And we're going to have to make sure that the laws are clear so that we can have confidence that they are enforced in a fair and impartial way, and that there's not too much ambiguity surrounding these laws.

"So that's what I expect. That's what the American people deserve. And that's what we're going to do. Thank you very much."

Unfortunately, he's not talking about Wall Street, the big banks, defense contractors, or any of the blatantly, ludicrously criminal behavior of the Bush Administration. He's talking about... the IRS. Which, as far as I can see, did nothing except subject a group of declared scofflaws and wannabe tax cheats to the extra level of scrutiny their own behavior and frequent statements richly merited.

You may be entitled to a good smack in the noggin

Given the general level of subliteracy I listen to every day on the phones here, it shouldn't surprise me, but still did: in the break room just now, I saw a commercial for a law firm that concluded "You may be entitled to MONEY DAMAGES".

MONEY DAMAGES.

As if there are any other type of damage awards possible in our system of civil jurisprudence. As if you can sue someone, win your case, and get... I don't know... REAL ESTATE DAMAGES. Or HOUSE DAMAGES. Or EXPENSIVE SPORTS CAR DAMAGES. Or SEX DAMAGES.

MONEY DAMAGES. Jesus wept.

Look, I know what they're talking about. Just as I know what some derptard is trying to say when they insist that they have 'cut on' their computer and still can't get online. But this usage of words? It is WRONG. It is mind bogglingly stupid. And it aggravates the shit out of me.

And now, lawyers... LAWYERS!!!! WHO GO TO SCHOOL FOR LIKE A MILLION YEARS!!!!... are proving themselves incapable of utilizing the English language correctly.

Motherfucking money damages.

Morning ruminations

Woke up fifteen minutes later than usual this morning (at 4:30 AM, instead of the more normal 4:15 or so) and lost track of time... nearly didn't get out to the bus stop on time. 

But I did, and here I am in the break room at work, waiting for my shift to begin. 

Finished a redraft of ENDGAME and tried to upload it to both Kindle and Smashwords, but ran out of time. No substantive changes, just a repolish. If my work is never going to be published in print form, well, I can just keep polishing it. I say good business is where you find it.

There are times when I absolutely cannot stand rereading my work, when I look at my own writing and flinch back from the screen, wondering how in the name of God I could ever think I was even a passable author. 

Most times, though, I'm much more egotistical than that; I quite enjoy rereading my own work and I think "God DAMN those publishers are idiots; they could be making good money off this shit". 

Having just finished repolishing ENDGAME, I have to say, it's a fun book. I like it. If I'd found a cheap, beat up paperback copy of it in some second hand bookstore and read it, I think I'd have really enjoyed it. It has fun characters, an interesting plot, great dialogue, and amazing fight scenes. I mean, a bunch of superhero roleplaying geeks get turned into their fantasy heroes by evil aliens and then have to fight giant robots and invisible dragon-snakes and shit! Plus, two of them fall in love. And then, just when you think it's all over... foul treachery! It's awesome. Everyone should read it. Well, everyone should BUY it, anyway... I don't really care if anyone reads it or not. What, I really want the same legion of dimwits who love Harry Potter and Twilight to suddenly think I'M a great writer, too? It would be humiliating. 

I also read George R.R. Martin's THE HEDGE KNIGHT on my Kindle. Interesting to see how the events of a hundred years prior have shaped the events unfolding in Martin's current series. I enjoyed the novella, but it's a remarkably simple story. Nothing wrong with that, of course... I write very simple shit, too.

But A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE is a tremendously complex story with dozens if not hundreds of important character arcs and plot threads. I've read some other books by Martin -- THE ARMAGEDDON RAG, FEVRE DREAM -- and neither of them managed to resolve their plots in particularly satisfying ways. And everything Martin has managed to do so far, in millions of words of writing, has simply been creating tension. Now, he's doing it masterfully... there's a reason these books are incredibly popular, and it's not the same reason that poorly written crap like Harry Potter or Twilight is popular (slavish adherence to an entirely moronic yet emotionally appealing formula designed primarily to target adolescents). No, Martin can WRITE... the man has real talent, and he's been doing this long enough to have picked up a lot of skill, too. 

But creating tension is just the first part of entertaining an audience, and it's the easy part. The really hard aspect is to release the tension you have created in a satisfying manner. Martin hasn't started doing that yet. We've been expecting him to do that... to bring ASOIAF to a worthy climax and then wrap it up... for the last two, long overdue, really bloated volumes... and he keeps putting it off. He keeps padding the narrative and delaying the moment when Daenarys finally brings her khalasar to Westeros and the final battles truly begin. 

And that's what most of A DANCE WITH DRAGONS felt like to me... padding and bloat. He dragged in characters out of nowhere that had no real place in the narrative, for no real reason, and then, after wasting hundreds of thousands of words on them, just killed them off and moved on. And why? Because (I think) Martin doesn't want to get to the point in his narrative where the final battles commence, because (I suspect) he doesn't really know how to end this thing. Oh, I'm sure he's got some vague resolution in mind... but it's way out there, and he has no real clear idea how to get there. How to make it all work, how to ring the correct emotional chords on the way, how to make all the various characters and plot threads work out, how to continue to weave this tapestry.

In other words, he's masterfully created all this tension... and has no real idea how to satisfactorily release it. 

I don't blame him; he's created a literary task that much, much better writers would balk at tackling. Roger Zelazny couldn't wrap this mess up in a way that people would think worked well, and George R.R. Martin is no Roger Zelazny.

Lib'rul please

The default 'reasonable liberal' response to this current IRS brouhaha - that the IRS must be completely fair to everyone - is, of course, correct. But you're applying it incorrectly in this situation.

It's perfectly 'fair' for the current IRS, or any other government organization charged with enforcement of Federal laws, to closely scrutinize conservative affiliated groups, especially those self identifying as members of the 'tea party'. It's absolutely correct and reasonable that such groups get more attention from Federal law enforcement than other groups... and when I say 'other groups', I mean, groups that have not made it a basic part of their philosophy that they should not have to obey Federal law, that the elected President is illegitimate, that any form of resistance to 'liberal/socialist tyranny' (up to and including ARMED REVOLT, folks, ARMED REVOLT) is perfectly acceptable... especially not paying taxes.

Conservatives, especially tea party conservatives, have spent the last six years screaming that, essentially, Federal laws do not apply to them. Some justify this with the presumption that President Obama is not really the President, some on the grounds that they have God given rights either never mentioned or only vaguely referred to in the Constitution, and many just say it because, you know, that's what they think and na na na boo boo.

If the IRS had issued an order to all of its examiners saying "pay special attention to any individual or group self identifying as a 'sovereign citizen' ", would we be having this kind of discussion now?

The Tea Party is every bit as crazy as the 'sovereign citizen' movement, and in exactly the same manner. If they don't like Federal law, they move to nullify it on a state level, or simply ignore it. They fume and mutter about open rebellion against the government. They sure as hell don't want to pay any taxes to the Kenyan social Muslim pretender President and his black helicopter flying U.N. minions.

At what point is the Federal government allowed to take notice of all the crazy outlaw rhetoric they've been spouting and respond to it in a meaningful way? The Feds aren't locking anyone up... the branch of the Federal government charged with collecting legitimate tax revenue is looking more closely at groups who self identify as unwilling participants in the Federal government, especially its tax code. What the hell is wrong with that?

Now, the Obama Administration's fanatical desire to lock up whistleblowers and the recent revelation that Justice has been accessing the phone records of AP reporters who were involved in a story that involved national security... THAT's a scandal. That is probably the single area where President Obama has disappointed me the most... any government needs frequent housecleanings in the light of day to be kept honest, our government most of all. We should lionize our whistleblowers and the few members of our press still willing to commit actual journalism, not investigate, prosecute, and jail them.

But the IRS going after people who are identifying themselves as probably tax cheats? Lib'rul, please.

http://maddowblog.msnbc.com/_news/2013/05/14/18249064-irs-mess-isnt-going-away-anytime-soon?threadId=3724001&commentId=76222463#c76222463

Suck It, Geek Goddess

Just tried to read Olivia Munn's book SUCK IT, WONDER WOMAN. Despite the titillating title, I found myself disliking it for some reason and gave up after the fifth chapter.

I don't know why. I've never watched much of G4 and so didn't really know anything about Olivia Munn until she showed up on NEWSROOM (where I like her character enormously) and I started hearing all this buzz about 'the chick from G4'. Now I understand that she is apparently some sort of reigning Geek Chick Empress and neo-Goddess and I admit, yes, she's cute, and yes, judging from this book, she does seem to be a real geek and hey, she can even write okay (she's no Roger Zelazny, but who the fuck is?) 

Yet... I don't know... something about the book annoyed me. I can't figure it out. Maybe it's just how earnest she seems to be. Maybe it's just that I still have a great deal of trouble believing that someone who looks like that is actually a Geek Chick. Maybe it's just that when she starts talking about life lessons one can learn from the original STAR WARS movie, I want to put my finger down my throat, or when she says really idiotic shit like describing the Battlestar reboot as being "a TV show for geeks that is as good as THE WIRE", I want to set fire to the entire fucking Internet.

(I know what she's saying; she's saying, the dialogue was as cool and the characters were three dimensional and interesting and the plotlines were sophisticated and mature. But here's the thing, you so called Geek Chick -- the science in the new B:G doesn't make any sense. If the writers of THE WIRE had no idea how telecommunications worked and they just made shit up from one episode to the next, the show would have sucked. The writers of Battlestar have no idea how physics and science actually work, and they just make shit up from one episode to the next, but no one cares, because, ermagerd, cyborg hotties! Plus, B:G isn't science fiction -- there is no science in the entire show that changes how the people in that show live in any way whatsoever; they all act exactly like we do and other than the spaceships and the Cylons and the occasional plot devices, they all use exactly the same science we do. And while most people will not care, because to most people, 'science fiction' is anything with space ships and ray guns and robots, to a true Nerd Geek, this shit should MATTER.)

Anyway, gave it a shot, didn't like it. She's cute, she can write reasonably well, seems to have a sense of humor, and I enjoy her character on NEWSROOM. But I did not enjoy this book, for whatever reason. It's probably just me.

A lie, and no heart

So, IRON MAN 3. 

Um... no, not so much. No.

I watched this with most of the fam last night. I felt vaguely dissatisfied all the way through it, but could not put my finger on why. The characterizations felt vaguely off, the relationship dynamics didn't seem to work well... Tony and Pepper, Tony and Rhodey... in fact, the only time I really felt anything much at all other than, you know, visceral excitement and some nervousness about Tony and Pepper's various plights was when Tony ran into the movie version of Ho Yinsen in an flashback to the late 90s meant to set up the movie's main villain(s). That brief cameo was about the only thing I genuinely liked about the movie when I watched it... and this morning, it came to me that that is very indicative of just what, in general, was missing from this film:

The past.

Marvel superhero movies to date have had two kinds of roots to the past - either they had cleverly updated references to the concept's Silver Age template that, while they worked well for the modern, uninitiated moviegoer, still firmly connected that movie back to its actual origins, and/or, in the case of those movies with sequels, they had firm continuity connections back to the previous installment of the movie franchise. 

This is the first Marvel superhero movie that has largely lacked either kind of connective tissue. Nearly everything in this film is self referential. The villains, such as they are, are established entirely in this film (no, the Mandarin does not arise from the cool Ten Rings thing clearly established as a Mandarin lead in in IRON MAN). There are absolutely no connectors back to Iron Man's comic book Silver Age, such as the first two I.M. movies were rife with -- this movie is entirely a Modern Age film (based in large part on a relatively recent Warren Ellis arc). And the only connections back to previous films are the already mentioned cameo of Ho Yinsen (the movie version) and Tony's post traumatic stress stemming from the events of the AVENGERS movie, which is just there to provide a vague, vestigial semblance of a character arc for Tony to undergo in this movie.

But that's it. Other than that, this movie has no past. Everything takes place in a sort of eternal present with no history. Everything works as established, and at the end of the movie, nothing has really changed. In the first two IRON MAN movies, Tony went through definite arcs -- in the first one, he went from drunken sybarite to hero, in the second one, he finally surpassed his father and while doing so, he also created the War Machine armor and defeated a couple of really cool villains with strong Silver Age roots (and, we got to see the Black Widow for the first time, which was very cool). 

In this movie, nothing happens. It has no real history and it makes no real changes to Tony's life, except for the negative one of removing the shrapnel from his heart, and therefore, making him no longer dependent on the Iron Man armor to live. This is a bad idea; various writers and editors have tried doing this with the character in the comic book, sometimes for years at a time, but what makes Marvel superheroes work is that they are all flawed (unlike their largely Golden Age predecessors from National, who are generally perfect and therefore boring). 

But this is why I was not moved and did not feel anything deeper than the visceral while watching IRON MAN 3 -- there is nothing deeper than the visceral there. It's a throwaway movie. It means nothing. 

Now, I'm wondering if all the Phase 2 Marvel superhero movies will be like this. If so, I imagine I'll have stopped watching them long before AVENGERS 2 finally comes out.