Web Search nikon coolpix digital cameras The Miserable Annals of the Earth: Another one bites the dust

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Another one bites the dust

Oh, it's fabulous. Here's this thing I just found, that some amazing, astonishing person I do not know posted on their blog nearly a year ago, back when a bunch of dumbass dimbulb Kyle Rayner fans got their hair all mussed up and their panties in a bunch about the fact that I told someone somewhere on the Internet that Hal Jordan is better than Kyle, and they could in no way argue with or refute this inarguable truth.

I'm serious. This is brilliant. As with pretty much everyone else who decides to insult me at length behind my back, this utterly and completely validates not only every opinion I've ever held, but my entire existence in and of itself. Not that I need it from humanoid blotter paper like this particular blogger (whoever they are), but it's always nice to stumble across it on a slow day:

Who says Zombies can't make good detectives? Ok, so I was chatting with Ragnell recently about some trouble going on the details of which can be found here. The star of the show is Highlander, oh and what a show he puts on for us. "If you can't figure out what I mean from what I say, then by God, my much vaunted condescension is entirely justified." Alright I can take that, I hate stupid people to.

Me also. My loathing is especially reserved for stupid people who can't punctuate their poorly constructed sentences correctly, and who especially do not know how to spell basic phrases like "all right", and who do not understand that the 'too' which is a synonym for "as well" is spelled, well, "too", not "to".

But it gets way, WAY better.

"Y'all are young, and clearly enjoying it, and that's mad kewl, but I am old, and I'm going to enjoy it, too, to the best of my ability." Woah slow down there. A comma is for a break in the sentance, sorta like a pause. If you actually sound this out he's doing a damn fine Shatner impression.

Assuming Shatner can spell and punctuate correctly, sure. Unlike dweeb, here, who can't spell either "whoa" or “sentence”, and doesn't seem to understand that in the sentence "Whoa, slow down there", you need a comma after the first word. Which seems especially ironic, as Stands With Their Head Up Their Ass here is lecturing me on the proper use of commas.

"I dislike snottiness in young punks who have little clue what they're saying, but that doesn't at all apply to me. When I speak of the Silver Age/Modern Age dichotomy, BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, or HeroClix, well, goddamit, I speak with authority. " The authority of being old! God damn it you can't argue with th-- Wait I've seen all the episodes of Buffy to, why does he know more then me again?

Because I'm smarter than you, and I think better than you do, which is to say, more analytically, and in far more depth. I also have enough of a sense of humor to understand that when I say things like 'I dislike snottiness in young punks... but that doesn't at all apply to me' I'm being somewhat ironic, and even vaguely self depreciating.

"If you would like to play with me, you will have to play with me on my level." Because, damn it, he's old and he says so!

No, because pretty much anyone has the right to set the rules under which they will interact with others.

"Anyway. I will tell you this: it's never been clear to me that Scipio loves Hal Jordan. My experience is, when I go out to a young Modern Age punk's blog and I see them rejoicing in Kyle Rayner's apparent disco-ing abilities and gushing on and on about his adorable ass, and then I see further down some post rejoicing in Hal Jordan's seeming penchant for banging his head on a giant brick building, I tend to take away from that that here is yet another Modern Age punk with absolutely no respect for the Silver Age, especially for Hal Jordan." Well... Firstly Mr. Scipio is probably not a punk. In fact he seems to be a highly intelligent and reasonable man. Secondly, and in your old age you may have forgotten this, they're fictional characters. Yeah I don't respect Hal Jordan, but I don't respect Kyle either, because they aren't real.

Whatever. If someone is going to come after me for referring to fictional comic book characters as real, then that someone is going to need to carry a great deal of ammunition to fire off at a great many more people, including "Mr. Scipio", who "is probably not a punk". If Scipio really "seems to be a highly intelligent and reasonable man", well, I won't argue with that; I'll simply note that the phrase 'punk' in no way denotes either lack of intelligence or a lack of reason, it simply connotates someone who is young, callow, lacking in experience, and therefore, who one can easily dismiss. And, for the love of God, if Scipio seems "highly intelligent and reasonable", well, I must at the very least seem one out of those two.

Beyond that, I would like to point out that in my description of Scipio as a punk, I list my reasons for coming to that conclusion, which is to say, when I state a viewpoint, I support it with actual examples. So far, my anonymous critic here has pretty much done nothing to refute anything that I've said, he or she has, for the most part, simply agreed that I'm old, and then put their fingers in their ears and blown me a raspberry. This is why I love Modern Age fans. Every word they type is a landmine that they promptly trip over and trigger their own damnselves.

I admire what they stand for but I don't have to respect anything about them.

I will, as Mr. Potter might say, go further than that. I'll say that as a Modern Age punk, you can't respect ANYthing about ANYthing. Except Scipio, I guess.

"You'll have to forgive me for that, it's over a decade of conditioning. I've spent years being spit on, jeered at, ridiculed, and otherwise trolled by idiotic Kyle Rayner fans every time I've even typed the name 'Hal Jordan' into a comics related comment thread. I tend to reflexively regard any and all Kyle Rayner fans as boorish, ill mannered little louts with no respect for their betters." I hope we've all learned todays valuable lesson: If people call you names don't turns the other cheek and be the better man, call them names right back!

That's generally how it's done on the Internet, I've discovered. And, um, gee, it seems to be what you're doing in this very very long thingie-bob you're writing, too... but, you know, at least when you do it, you're leaving apostrophes out of "today's" and sticking an improper 's' on the end of "turn", just to make sure you put in my place.

Here we see the begining of a trend.

No. Here we may well see the beginning of a trend. The ‘begining’ of a trend, or anything else, is non-existent, as it is not actually a word.

Highlander justifies everything he likes by lumping it together in his vauge "Silver Age." Nevermind the fact that the Silver age is a time period in comics and has absolutely nothing to do with the product put out. Need proof? Go look at some old Spectre comics, those things are hardcore.

It's possible I do justify everything I like by lumping it together in my vague "Silver Age", but, on the other hand, at least I can spell 'vague' correctly. As to the Silver Age being a time period in comics that has absolutely nothing to do with the product put out, well, that's kind of true. And then, it's kind of not true, too. Nonetheless, when someone says "that has a real Silver Age feel to it", experienced comics fans who are not deeply retarded have a pretty good idea what is being said.

As to the Spectre being 'hardcore', first, it's very difficult to understand exactly what is being said here, but I'm going to imagine that this idiot means that out of the many, many appearances of the Spectre from, say, 1955 through 1985 (DC's Silver Age, roughly), some of them were rather violent (specifically, the Fleischer/Aparo run in ADVENTURE COMICS during the early 1970s). And it's true; that particular run of the Spectre was rather more Modern Age in its tone than it was Silver Age, in that the Spectre killed a great many inextricably evil people in horribly gruesome ways.

Of course, it could also be argued that this run on Spectre was rather Golden Age, in that it was deliberately evocative of the grisly crime/horror comics of the 1950s that led directly to the implementation of the Comics Code, and the bankruptcy of William Gaine's EC Comics. In order to make that argument, though, you'd need to have some actual knowledge of the actual history of comic books, which would mean you wouldn't be a Modern Age punk like this weenie here.

Now to break up the doldrums theres a post by Kalinara here. If you read it she very accurately describes comparisons between Buffy and Kyle. It's funny because she's secretly ripping his argument about "Modern age punks" by giving him absoluetly no tether that Buffy is any different!

I can't remember what Kalinara was doing, although I always appreciate any time or attention she can spare from her busy schedule writing erotic fan fic in which living planets hump each other. I do, though, want to point out that 'absolutely' is spelled as I have, and the phrase 'no tether that Buffy is any different' makes no sense in any human language, or even in Dolphin, as far as I know.

So now we go back to our show: "I can't really comment on Kyle Rayner in that much depth, as I refuse to read his comic. I hate him. Maybe he's not a slacker, I don't know. I don't think I ever said he WAS a slacker. I just hate him. Primarily, because we already had a Green Lantern I loved, and Kyle replaced him, for reasons I will never acknowledge as valid. " Dude, I think I found out why those "Modern age punks" made fun of you. It's because your opinions aren't Silver age vs. Modern Age, it's what you like vs. things you just hate. It's not because your older or wiser, it's not because they are any different from what you currently like, it's because some things you "just hate." You're an ass.

I will never argue with the supposition that I'm an ass. However, I'm way smarter than you are. So if I'm an ass, you're a dumb ass.

Now that I got that off my chest and you read this far you may be wondering what secret I found. Highlander is really John Bryne.

There are simply no words for how delighted I was to read this. If ever an observation clearly indicated the absolute staggering stupidity and blind, gaping, drooling, nearly asphyxiating level of ignorance of its observer, it's this one. I'm John Byrne. Oh, you brilliant genius, you. I'm John Byrne. Oh. Oh. Oh. I am rendered nearly inarticulate with glee as I attempt to comprehend the mind boggling brainlessness that underlies that pronouncement. I swear. It's like trying to intellectually grasp the infinite reach of the universe. You just can't get there. Seriously. What a maroon. What a ultramaroon.

Oh, by the way, I suspect this person really meant ‘John Byrne’. But never mind. It could have been a typo. Given their abilities to date, though, I wouldn’t bet a great deal on it.

Cranky, Old, and sometimes Insane. I was going to go to Bryne Robotics forum and ask them but sadly they had rules I couldn't follow.

So does the game Chutes and Ladders, most likely.

But while looking at the rules I discovered that this rabbit hole went far deeper then I thought...

...or could even roughly begin to comprehend with the feeble, vestigial, near insensate and constantly spasming tendrils of my mind.

Let me ask you who else would have rules like, "Do not respond to a post addressed specifically to JB until he himself has replied. Wait your turn!" "Posts that presume to read JB's mind will be automatically deleted, regardless of content." "Do not link to sites with pop-up ads!! Posts with such links will be deleted. " and, "Membership in the JBF is strictly limited to fans of the work of John Byrne. But ... why would you want to be here otherwise? " Still no guesses? Let me rephrase them, "Do not respond to a post addressed specifically to Doom until he himself has replied. Wait your turn, minon! "

That would be ‘minion’.

’Posts that presume to read Doom's mind will be automatically deleted, regardless of content. For no one can understand his supreme brilliance!" "Do not link to sites with pop-up ads!! Posts with such links will be deleted, for they annoy Doom!" and, "You may live in Latveria! But only if you love Doom! Then again why else would you have come here? To be crushed!?!?!" So in summation. Highlander = John Byrne = Dr. Doom And he's an ass. A great big one.

I just... honest to God, there are no words. Except, whoever you are... thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Whenever I even momentarily doubt myself, the universe always sends me a blithering blotard whose finest thoughts and most brilliant ideas are constantly coursing down his or her chin in a river of drool, as they rant and rave about how big my ass is, and who I really am, and how badly they hate me and wish I'd just go away.

I swear, there is no greater validation than finding such stuff. So thank you, whoever you are, for being the latest in an apparently unending line of cretins who despise me, because without you, I could probably go on, but it sure wouldn't be as much fun.

2 Comments:

At 10:27 PM , Blogger CalvinPitt said...

Ah, Hal vs. Kyle, the neverending conflict. I've always liked the Kyle I read (having not read Green Lantern, Waid and Kelly's runs on JLA are all I have to go on). He didn't think he belonged, and struggled to prove that he could carry his weight with the Icons, especially to himself. I thought it made him relatable. Heck, Morrison may have summed it up best when had Kyle say: 'I can't handle this, it's like playing with the Beatles.'

I'm pretty much neutral to Hal. I didn't think bonding him to the Spectre made sense (Hal needed to gain redemption, not vengeance), but him being alive and wielding the ring is OK by me. I especially liked that in the current Ion mini-series, Hal disobeyed the Guardians to go out and help Kyle, who had apparently gone nuts (it was actually someone else in disguise), because Kyle had him when nobody else did (the Rebirth mini-series). It was a nice touch.

As for Scipio and Hal, I'm going to propose what I call "The Willie McGee Theory". Cardinals fans love Willie McGee. We reminisce about all the great plays he made, and the World Series teams he was part of. But when we do that, we don't just talk about that game-winning home run he hit in '82, we talk about how the pitch before he swung at a ball over his head and just looked awful. Somehow, his foibles made him an even greater hero to us, because we got the sense he was struggling against himself, or maybe that he was pushing up against the extent of his talent level. The fact that Hal seemed to hit his head as often as he did only makes it more impressive that he was "The Greatest of the Green Lanterns!"

Of course, it's also possible Scipio doesn't really like/respect Hal Jordan, and this theory more accurately would explain ME liking Hal. It's just something I came up with, and wanted to throw out there.

As to the rest of the person's post, I've demonstrated at least a few times what happens when you let something a person said rile you up, and don't stop to consider whether it's worth getting steamed about someone else's opinion. Rarely does it lead to making a coherent argument.

Having read your "Crapping On The Shoulders of Giants" post, I also had to laugh that someone said you were John Byrne. Were it true, Byrne would possess more self-loathing than just about anyone I've ever heard of.

 
At 6:20 AM , Blogger Highlander said...

Much of the ill feeling among us Silver Age fans towards Kyle Rayner doubtless stems from two factors that have little or nothing to do with the character of Kyle him/itself --

(a) Kevin Dooley's churlish, petulant, spiteful, utterly unprofessional attitude in lettercols towards Hal Jordan boosters. I had thought for a very long time that it was impossible to imagine an editor behaving more childishly, and showing his ass more prominently in public, than Mike Gold, but Kevin Dooley came along and proved me completely and utterly wrong.

(b) That same attitude, mirrored and amplified a thousand fold, by pretty much every Kyle Rayner fan in existence, towards anyone who advanced the heretical idea that he wasn't, perhaps, the most well conceived, designed, or executed character to wear a power ring ever.

Between those two, it wasn't likely Hal Jordan's fans were going to be willing to give Kyle anything like ' a fair chance', and honestly, why should we have been? To my mind, at least, Rayner was a pretty crappy character, just as Dooley is a shitty editor and Marz was and is a lousy writer.

Bonding Hal to the Spectre was idiotically contrived, as was the entire Parallax thing. As with Hank Pym losing his mind and punching the Wasp, it's now something that we fans of the characters can accept as part of their background; a dark and shameful chapter in their history that they've since resolved and redeemed themselves from. But at the time this stuff was happening, it was just straight up bad writing.

I honestly don't know or care whether Scipio really likes Hal or not. He obviously does really like Kyle, and his favorite era of JLA ever is that godawful Aquaman and the Outsiders period that all sane comics fans simply hold their noses and run past as fast as they possibly can, so clearly his judgement is badly, badly deficient in these areas. He's a smart guy, good writer, and very funny, but his taste in comic book characters seems to be in his ass.

As to posting a response to someone when you're angry, well, no, that tends not to work well. Coming after ME, especially on grounds of things like sentence structure, punctuation, and other stuff, when clearly the person attacking me hasn't mastered the basic rudiments of the written version of their native language, is a truly rotten idea.

I do get a lot of criticism on various boards about being a 'spelling Nazi'. Many people on these boards don't speak English as a native language, I'm told, and I can't hold them to the same standards as, say, my sixth grade English teacher held ME to when I was 10 years old. I sneer at that nonsense; Internet interaction is nearly entirely textual, and if you can't use the basic tools correctly, you don't belong out here.

Certainly, I have no compunction about turning such things around on an idiot who criticizes me (incorrectly) for my use of commas, in a sentence where he misuses a comma himself, and shows he doesn't know how to spell 'sentence'.

For all the earlier friction between you and I, which I recollect coming up at first during the long ago Ragnell spat, you at least know how to spell, punctuate, and put a sentence together correctly.

 

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